oh what a perfectly lovely day. i desperately love fall

today is the perfect first day of fall! 64 degrees means:

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
— George Eliot

The Freedom Project - CNN

I just purchased this t-shirt from sevenly.org, inspired by all of the reading i've been doing on the enclosed link regarding this Freedom Project. This is a subject thats very dear to my heart, and has a profound affect on me. The proceeds of this t-shirt go towards International Justice Mission, an amazing organization I have the privilege of assisting.

the Freedom Project - CNN
- This year CNN will join the fight to end modern-day slavery and shine a spotlight on the horrors of modern-day slavery, amplify the voices of the victims, highlight success stories and help unravel the complicated tangle of criminal enterprises trading in human life

we didn't ask what it seems like, we asked what it is...

They said, "Our beloved's not dead, but his highness instead
Has been utterly changed into fire"

Why not be utterly changed into fire?

*you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens*

.photography as sense.

Ukraine photographer, Oleg Oprisco creates these poetic and surreal environments...aren't they breathtaking?

Please view the rest of his work: http://oprisco.com/gallery/

hickory dickory dock

morning time is the best time, where quiet and still things reign. it's so sadly rare for it to be quiet here, there's always a chime or a television or unending monologues to drone out the quiet. the ticking of the clocks (for there is not one, but many) is the only exception to my disdain, instead invoking alternates madness and comfort. frequently a reminder of all the time i'm wasting, all the life i'm not living, the marching of adventure i'm somehow missing. it's rythym is somehow a call to arms for me. some days i embrace it and take the march out into the world with me. mostly, i crawl back under the proverbial covers with promises to return the call later. the comfort comes from the reminder of a heart that no longer beats, but once did. the quiet reminds me of being 5, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, up well before i needed to be but how important those early morning hours were. everything was special. special toast, special coffee, special section of the newspaper. just me and him. we try to keep those clocks wound tight, each chime bringing something closer, a memory, a feeling, a thought, always a reminder. there is no comfort in the ticking this morning, though, as the biggest clock stands grand and ominous, unmoving currently. never touching the clock still deeply engrained, i have no idea how to wind it up myself. no one else seems particularly bothered by it, so i must wait. we have a stare-down. it looks at me, challenging me to fix it. i look at it, and it becomes something else. it becomes tears i refuse to cry, hands i will not hold, doors that lead to no safe place, and gears that are stopped indefinately. the task becomes too great and i admit my defeat, leaving it for someone else, to whom it's just a clock.

dance me through the panic

poetry is just the evidence of life.

 if your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.

-l.c.

.in my head. in my head.

Every human being on this earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn't original sin. He's born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. That he has to leave the nest, the security, and go out to do battle. He has to lose everything that is lovely and fight for a new loveliness of his own making, and it's a tragedy. A lot of people don't have the courage to do it.

Helen Hayes, in Roy Newquist, Showcase, 1966

the best laid plans are often laid to waste...

i’ve never been a fan of new years resolutions, as mine tend to be dramatic and overzealous. but there’s something beautiful in envisioning what the year should look like. while fate and the forces that be tend to take my ideas and plans as a cosmic joke to rearrange and watch me squirm, there can be a happy medium. i want to make a list of things to remind myself of what i actually want to accomplish and see what shakes out....

im tired. tired of moving, tired of new, tired of change, tired of rolling with the punches and mising the point. i feel its all a bunch of lessons but i never have time to figure out what im supposed to be learning.

1. i want what i say i want every year - art. i want a release. i want to create. i want to find beauty within my self and express it outwardly.
-im going to do a day-by-day in feb. everyday, im going to create something new. perhaps a self portrait every day or a colour study or something themed (themes help me stay focused). im going to get my distractions in order in january and then free myself up for art in february.

2. im going to find financial security. january wil be spent getting my financial matters in order. by the end of january, i will have a budget completely organized and in place. i think matt and i should rearrange our current situation and google calendar should be able to help with a joint budget

3. i want to be practicing massage by march. i want everything in order for my license and i want to actually be practicing.

4. i want to explore my options with lush. perferably as a training liason or the like

5. i want to purchase a holga or a diana and i want to be taking pictures regularly

6. i want to be healthy. it’s going to include more fresh fruits and vegetables, more exercise,  less cigarettes, less coffee, less processed foods.

7. I want to discover my new surroundings and to connect to the community. volunteer at the ywca with battered women, local farmers market, etc

8. i want to garden. even if it’s only a little bit at first, i want to really try to grow stuff and take care of the earth. i want to convince grandma to compost.

9. i want to find intimacy with matt. i want to release what's holding me back, and i want to find open communication with him. it seems as though the longer we’re together, the less we talk or are willing to say. the only way to keep this relationship strong is respect, support, honesty, kindness, and consideration. i have no idea how to cultivate this. relationships are foreign to me. making them work is even harder.

10. i want to regain my spiritual center. going to church, reading merton, mother theresa, lewis, etc. writing, exploring, meditating

11. i want to find a way to have time to myself.

12. i want more time with loved ones. i want to cultivate relationships with those i love. i have such little quality time with those i hold most dear and this simply wont do. the girls, des, tyler, all the dads, gma, mom, ash, mel.

13. i want to write letters and send packages more often

14. ink!!! i want more ink!!!

here goes nothing...................................................!