and again, i write from an untouched well that fills and spills and cascades out of my insides onto my typepad. it is so refershing to feel the release. to feel the emotions beating in time with my pulse again. i am overwhelmed and thus i must write quickly for fear i'll miss something. something imperitive may slip through my fingers and i'd never even know.
so much has happened in the last year. i've been fortified but its left me so fragile in the same breath. my resiliance has been tested and proved true many times over, but im afraid of losing it. one more thing may be the feather to topple my castle made of cards. i've tried so diligently, put so much time and effort into fortifying the walls and roof but i've only just remembered that its still merely playing cards. i've been trying to keep myslef distracted, in hopes of keeping my feelings at bay. i feel so deeply, so acutely, that it terrifies me to think of having to address them. i have such a sensitive spirit, and have experienced so much great hurt in such a small time, that once i get through the intial shock of pain, i look past it, trying desperately to move through it. its like being punched on a bruise, just trying to breathe through the pain without checking to see if there was any other damage. i have to take the extras in stride, step up and look at myself in truth's bright light. i hide so much. i've hidden most of it so deeply that even i have to search to find it. but i'm ready to stand face to face with myself, take off my make-up and facade, look at myself for real. its so far overdue. take stock of how well i've actually fared through this all... patch up the holes, clean out the closets, slap on some fresh paint.
and so i go on sabbatical, with high high hopes of coming back whole...
